Ajahn Santithito, a Dhamma sower
I met Bhante Santi
around 1994-1995 in Sunnataron Forest Monastery. He impressed me then for his
strong character, solid, intelligent, at time eccentric, and yet, he was able
to enter with you any state of mind, any state of feelings. He could empathise
with you; never criticising, not even in the worst scenarios. He would always
take the road of the Dhamma, saying words conducive to love, to awareness, to
unity, to harmony.
He loved teaching
people, he was passionate about the Dhamma; his conversation were always framed
in that way.
Later he moved to
Wat Buddhalavarn where I also visited him a few times just after he moved in.
And for some reason, I kept on encountering him again and again, in train
stations, electronics stores, Buddhist dwellings… By 2013 he was already
walking with his stick and his big boots, but that wouldn’t stop him from his
duty to pass the teaching on. Unstoppable, he was always on the go!
In April this
year, when I came to know about his illness, I came to see him again. I am a
cancer survivor myself and I wanted to help him to make informed choices,
sharing with him all what I knew.
In June I started
visiting him every Friday. It was from that moment that little by little I came
to know the depth, the rawness, and the hidden aspects of him.
Behind the loner,
the independent, the ultra reserved and private monk there was this enormous lover
for justice, for harmony and unity that translated in his unconditional love and
respect for the nuns. Being beyond those perceptions that characterise our
littleness; he was a visionary who will not entertain in gossiping or divisive
arguments. He will encourage you to leave any situation if he though that was
the best for you, but he will also guide you to do it with the heart full of
love, of unity, of giving. I can assure you that he has forced me without me
knowing, to completely overcome my pettiness and strong sense of self rightness
and embrace a new state of harmony, because that is what I really was, as he
said it: just this moment.
He also allowed me
to enter his inner world. His trust was so precious to me. He shared his
vulnerability, his fears and his anger; the frustration that comes with the
realisation that we are not in control; and that we are not independent; and
that we really are what he told us we are: interconnected, just a process
unfolding moment after moment… no dualities… no you and me…. No us or them…
just what is now, as it is.
For me, he was a
door opener. Through his illness I came to this beautiful monastery where I
feel I am part of it now. He brought the nuns of Santi to came and share in with
so much opening and love as well, and even Ayya Phalanyani from Thailand and
Ayya Sudhira from Sri Lanka were reflecting in the love and dedication he
always has provided to them. He allowed us to be in his private space when he
revisited his old pains from childhood, his fears and sense of guilt, guilt
that children imagine out of situations too difficult for them to understand,
and he was able to reach a state of peace with all that. He gave us an opportunity to give, as so many
friends, monastic and lay alike came to offer medicines, clothes and comfort. In
the last moments of his life, which I was so privileged to share together with
Bhante Kam Fein, and later with Maha Oudom we have experienced his enormous
illuminating presence, his composed attitude, his humaneness and his total
trust and surrender. He went away quietly and peacefully as we were holding him
very close.
I would like to
express my gratitude to the monks and the whole community of Wat Buddhalavarn,
specially Bhante Kam Fein and Tom Mogalana for their dedication, love and care
to Bhante. That in it self was a great teaching to me!
Dear Bhante Santi:
Thank you for your life and friendship! You have been a blessing to me! May you
be in perfect peace, Nirvana.
Your friend and last student,
Maggadhira; 4th August, 2014
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